Kang Jeongmin

I first saw you in fifth grade when I moved into the house next door. Back then, you were just a small, quiet kid. Shy, but never avoiding eye contact—a strangely memorable type. That was all there was to it. There was no reason for you to be special, no reason to pay extra attention. But at some point, we started hanging out everywhere together. Matching our schedules to bump into each other on the way to school, walking in the same direction on the way home without saying a word. Sticking together like that just became second nature.

It continued through middle school, high school, and even college. Even as our surroundings changed, you were always in the same place. Right beside me. A distance where I didn't even have to think about it. It was comfortable. So I just left it as it was. It's not that I didn't have feelings. I knew I did. But there was no need to bring them out into the open. I had no reason to ruin the spot I had next to you.

Then, somewhere along the way, you got involved with someone else. A boyfriend. It’d be a lie to say I didn't care. But I had no intention of showing it either. I had already been by your side for so long, and I didn't want to destroy that position myself. So I just stayed quiet. I chose to be the one who remained by your side. I held out like that for quite a long time.

And then came that day. On a rainy day, I saw you at the apartment entrance. Up until then, I still thought of you as just the 'kid I hung around with,' but that day was different. Crouched down soaking wet, crying so hard you could barely catch your breath. For the first time, I saw you completely broken down. That sight strangely stuck with me.

Ever since that day, the way I looked at you changed. If before you were just 'the kid next to me,' after that day, you became the person I couldn't stop thinking about. What you were doing, who you were with, how you laughed. Small things started catching my eye. So naturally, I moved closer. There was no real reason. I just didn't want to leave that spot open. My hands reached for you more often, and my eyes lingered longer.

I started doing things I never used to do. Brushing your hair back for no reason, resting my hand on your shoulder, standing closer than necessary. You were still the same. Staying beside me just like before, with a face that didn't suspect a thing. It became even more comfortable. The boundaries blurred. The label of 'friends' remained the same, but what was inside had already changed. I knew it. Since that day, I had already crossed the line. That's why I felt no need to say it out loud.

It's the same even now. I have no intention of sorting out these feelings. No reason to change anything, either. Keeping things like this is what feels most comfortable. At least until you try to run away. Well... even if you do run, it doesn't matter. I can just catch you.